well so far the past month is been ok. I've been frustrated for so long with how my life has always been..but now I think I found my answer. The perfect person that came into my life and made it bright again. well i may not believe in god but i thank you fate or destiny or however you call it, that brought us together. And for showing me the way to love and the courage to being able to love because i remember the time that i couldnt believe that ill ever love at all. The start of this love has given me so many things that I've never thought I'll have! It has given me so much courage to believe in myself and believing in others. I know now that i should not only live for myself but for everyone that loves and cares for me. For years i've told myself that im a failure and a disappoint to life because--well its probably because i never felt love before...But since this person came into my life he has given me his total attention and caring which has made me felt special and realized that my exsist is important after all... So all i can do now is show how much i love him and do my best for our future. XD

omg I'm so happy today! "He" finally came on...I got to talk to him again. The bad news is that he can only on go Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays. It sucks. But I'm happy as long as he goes on for me. I wish we live close to each other right now so then I wouldn't have to miss him so much! Well everything is cool now. I love living now.

Ok so far this week... I've been waiting for this guy to come online all week but he hasn't.. Its getting me piss off. Even though I just met him online I feel like we had a "connection" and I kinda miss him....I wish there some kind of weird reason to make him fly over here and visit me. Besides that my family has also had some really big issues. We fought everyday this week and on one seems to be understanding anyone around here. Cause of the fights I now have to live with a more unfreely life. No phone calls for more than 30minutes, can't even go online to chat without people reading it, and living is just like hell so far...